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  • 27 Oct 2008 11:05 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

     Scolari *** ed  what chelsea build in nealy 5 years and he should go out

    Reply
  • 26 Oct 2008 2:49 PM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Kop Killa:

    Police are called to Old Trafford. A man in full chelsea strip is standing on top of the main stand, threatening to throw himself off.

    The police negotiator says to him, "come on mate, it's not that bad, don't do it!"

    "You don't get it!" says the chelsea fan, "for four years I've been a chelsea supporter, and this year I was convinced we would win everything. Instead, we were kicked out of the FA cup by Barnsley... we lost the Carling Cup final to Spurs... then we lost the Premiership to the Mancs, and then we went to the Champions League final and Man United beat us again! I can't take it any more!"

    "Ok mate, I do understand your pain," replied the negotiator, "but I don't understand one thing... why are you here at Old Trafford? Why aren't you jumping off the main stand at Stamford Bridge?"

    The chelsea fan looked at the policeman and replied, "have you seen the fuckin QUEUE?"



    Lmfao, that is soo funny!!!!

     

     

    Reply
  • 26 Oct 2008 1:36 PM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
    A Problem.

    What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
    An even bigger problem.

     What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
    Problem solved

    Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
    "Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
    So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?" 

    Reply
  • 25 Oct 2008 4:41 PM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

     Lol.I `ve heard this one before.

    One more-

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    Snow White, Silvester Stallon and Osama Bin Laden are having a conversation. Snow White says "Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know?" Stallon says "I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know?" Bin Laden says "Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know?" Snow White says "Let's go and see the wise man!" So off they go. Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says: "It's true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on." Arnie goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: "It's true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived." Quasimodo goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: "Who's this John Terry character then?"

     
    Reply
  • 24 Oct 2008 8:19 PM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

     Q: Santa Claus, the tooth ***, an intelligent Chelsea supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?

    A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures. Big Smile

    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 10:11 PM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    classic dude

    have you heard about the john terry tyre? outstanding durability but not so good in the wet!

    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 6:09 PM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Good stuff

    I Don't like the debt but get on the United train or get out of the way!
    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 11:43 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Here is another one:

    From The Official Chelsea FC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the Government's maths campaign.


    1. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee if Chelsea are losing at home?

    2. You are the referee at Stamford Bridge. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling Didier Drogba have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)

    3. Probability. Express the statistical probability of visitors to Stamford Bridge being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents of Chelsea being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty awarded to Chelsea would be awarded to their opponents in identical circumstances.

    4. Jose had a hotel room booked in Athens for the Champions League Final. How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?

    5.Andriy is a very lazy boy and often goes missing. Jose is very cross and wants to sell him. If Andriy cost £30m to buy, how much do you think Jose will sell him for? How many pennies will Jose lose?

    6. Didier is very strong and fast. How much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponents penalty area? (Note: Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as, 'However much pressure is applied by Jose Mourinho to referees' are accepted.)

    7. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched by Chelsea and their supporters who thought Manchester United were a pushover.

    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 11:18 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Police are called to Old Trafford. A man in full chelsea strip is standing on top of the main stand, threatening to throw himself off.

    The police negotiator says to him, "come on mate, it's not that bad, don't do it!"

    "You don't get it!" says the chelsea fan, "for four years I've been a chelsea supporter, and this year I was convinced we would win everything. Instead, we were kicked out of the FA cup by Barnsley... we lost the Carling Cup final to Spurs... then we lost the Premiership to the Mancs, and then we went to the Champions League final and Man United beat us again! I can't take it any more!"

    "Ok mate, I do understand your pain," replied the negotiator, "but I don't understand one thing... why are you here at Old Trafford? Why aren't you jumping off the main stand at Stamford Bridge?"

    The chelsea fan looked at the policeman and replied, "have you seen the fuckin QUEUE?"

    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 6:46 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Nice Jokes, Lol!

    How 'bout mine then,

    What does Abramovich do when he is angry with Scolari? Pour Oil over Himself so that his Rage can burn!(Stupid Joke, I know)

    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 6:36 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    What do you get when Scolari takes Chelsea into the Championship?

     

    40,000 more utd fans. 

    Reply
  • 23 Oct 2008 5:52 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Russian Oil Baron

     

    Some years ago, a Russian oil baron who had six children, all girls, began to despair as he had no son and heir. Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with a son and heir.

    Just before his son’s sixth birthday, the baron took him to one side and said, “Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane.” Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him United Airlines.

    Just before his son’s seventh birthday, the baron took him to one side. “Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like a boat.” Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.

    Just before his son’s eighth birthday, the baron took him to one side. “Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons.” Not wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.

    Just before his son’s ninth birthday, the baron took him to one side. “Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son, who was by now really into the Disney cartoons, replied, “Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit.” Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father bought him Chelsea Football club.

    Reply
  • 22 Oct 2008 11:33 AM

    Re: Chelsea F.C Jokes

     Thanks for that joky informations about chelsea

    Reply
  • 22 Oct 2008 10:32 AM

    Chelsea F.C Jokes

    Plz share urs too.

    Q: Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?
    A: Who gives a F**K!

    Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
    A: I don’t know, there are some things a pig just won’t do.

    Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans?
    A: Gross Stupidity.

    Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
    A: To prove that *** can float.

    Q: What is the difference between Gianfranco Zola and a mini?
    A: A mini can only carry three passengers.

    Q: Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
    A: So they know which end to wipe.

    Q: What’s the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?
    A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan.

    Q: What do Chelsea keepers and singer Michael Michael Jackson both have in common?
    A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

    Q: What does Scolari say when Chelsea score?
    A: Fantastic. Now let us try to get goal at other end of pitch. 

    Reply
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